Unmanageable situations.
There have been many times – I’m assuming – where you’ve been caught up in such things. Not just unmanageable, but impossible even. And chances are you’re right. Things were basically unresolvable. It would be naïve to assume that we have the ability to resolve every difficult circumstance that befalls us. The truth is that some things are just too complicated for us to handle; too wide-reaching in their power and complexity for us to turn around and fix.
True, history is full of individuals who seemed to defy incredible odds in their grappling of a thing, people who overcame unusually oppressive conditions and yielded change in the unlikeliest of ways. And there are people still today who do this. I would even bet that you, dear reader, at times have had the capacity to wrestle water out of things that seem practically like a rock. But to be honest, the point isn’t whether we were able to administer superhuman strength. The point is whether or not it’s actually worth the struggle itself.
Sometimes we attach ourselves to challenges that might seem worthwhile but, in reality, they are nothing more than colossal wastes of our time and energy. The problem is when we affix a certain sense of commitment to these challenges that might be better spent on something else. And it goes without saying that sometimes we need to experience the failure of these vain pursuits before we can properly discern a better use of our resources. Maybe it’s a new job that simply doesn’t suit us; the conditions are too unacceptable and simply not worth the sacrifice of our mental health. Perhaps it’s a legitimately noble cause, but there are inescapable factors which force us to sacrifice other important things in life only to – in the end – make the smallest of impacts. Subsequently, in these cases we’re left with more broken parts than we started with, despite the small gain of having been able to say “I tried so hard.” Worse yet, maybe we’re left with broken relationships, not to mention a severe strain in our capacity to serve anybody else until we’ve properly recovered.
Ultimately, there is no shame in having approached something only to declare, upon deeper examination, that it’s not worth the investment. Not that it isn’t important, mind you. Only that it doesn’t have to be you who commits to it. And this can apply to virtually anything.
At some point, however, we will stumble onto something that really does meet the criteria of our interest. Or more appropriately, we will stumble onto an issue or a challenge that meets the criteria of our sense of responsibility. For a person seeking employment or a career change, for example, we shouldn’t assume that every job opportunity is worth pursuing. This goes without saying. Similar to embarking on a new relationship, whether platonic or romantic. We choose to travel a certain distance with a person until we gather more information about who they are, and what they believe and hold dear. And sometimes this can take years. Regardless of the time invested, however, there comes a point where we are left with the decision to either continue the relationship or make a separation instead. All too often, people make the mistake of going much too far with an attachment, despite some very real schisms of values between both individuals. In some cases, a person becomes increasingly broken as they faithfully pour more of their precious lifeblood into the relationship, leaving them to (quite literally) die over the course of this strange devotion. “But I’ve invested so much” a person might argue, or “we’ve already covered so much ground,” or “they know me better than anybody else,” and so this becomes the blind logic of their gradual demise.
But let’s consider the things in life that we feel are a real benefit to us. The things which, challenging though they may be, seem to carry the promise of furthering our sense of growth, or even our sense of service in the wider community. Because, despite all the messiness of trying to figure out what opportunities or what causes we should be investing in, there will nevertheless be things that call to our hearts. Things which, though seemingly impossible in their appearance, seem like unquestionable ‘musts’ in our life. These are the things worth sacrificing for. These are the genuine arenas where it’s appropriate to bring the fight.
Without a question, there will be difficulty at times. But in our heart of hearts, I think we can perceive whether the pursuit in question is worth the strain. Plainly speaking, some things in life require strain and struggle in order to feel the worth of the effort. Some fruit is worth the seasonal wait. In the meantime, the challenge is to stay the course and resist the overwhelming desire to give up.
My belief is that we are capable of managing the things that are a must for us. If it’s important enough to us personally, I believe we have both the psychological and the spiritual endowment to overcome the adversities that make progress so difficult.
As a great example, Edgar Guest’s poem Can’t is an anthem to overcoming the awful power of discouragement.
Can't is the worst word that's written or spoken;
Doing more harm here than slander and lies;
On it is many a strong spirit broken,
And with it many a good purpose dies.
It springs from the lips of the thoughtless each morning
And robs us of courage we need through the day:
It rings in our ears like a timely-sent warning
And laughs when we falter and fall by the way.
Can't is the father of feeble endeavor,
The parent of terror and half-hearted work;
It weakens the efforts of artisans clever,
And makes of the toiler an indolent shirk.
It poisons the soul of the man with a vision,
It stifles in infancy many a plan;
It greets honest toiling with open derision
And mocks at the hopes and the dreams of a man.
Can't is a word none should speak without blushing;
To utter it should be a symbol of shame;
Ambition and courage it daily is crushing;
It blights a man's purpose and shortens his aim.
Despise it with all of your hatred of error;
Refuse it the lodgment it seeks in your brain;
Arm against it as a creature of terror,
And all that you dream of you some day shall gain.
Can't is the word that is foe to ambition,
An enemy ambushed to shatter your will;
Its prey is forever the man with a mission
And bows but to courage and patience and skill.
Hate it, with hatred that's deep and undying,
For once it is welcomed 'twill break any man;
Whatever the goal you are seeking, keep trying
And answer this demon by saying: "I can."
“Can” is a word made possible by the sheer act of persistence. It can defy logic itself, and is almost supernatural in its capacity to overwhelm discouraging odds. “Can” is a faith made into reality by the very fact that a person chooses to act upon the notion that something is worth pursuing. And if something is genuinely worth pursuing to us, somehow we find a way to overcome the odds. As George Bernard Shaw once said, “Some men dream of things as they are and say; ‘Why?’ I dream of things that never were and say; ‘Why not?’”
The secret lies in the substance of the thing itself. Is it important enough to us? Or can it simply be released instead? Because sometimes the release is exactly the freedom we need. The very jettisoning of an important cause (at least, if it has failed to be important enough to warrant the sacrifices of all those other things we’ve labored so hard to build and sustain), is often the simplest answer. Not because it’s a cop-out. Rather, the giving up of something that is devouring our integrity is sometimes the opening to something far more fitting to our disposition.
And, of course, there are non-negotiables when it comes to abandoning certain causes. A person of true substance will never abandon their child (though it’s possible they may have to terminate their relationship with their spouse in some cases), nor will they shirk their sense of responsibility; their innate drive to contribute something to society. Granted, sometimes the sheer brutality of life will reduce a person’s resources for committing to their fullest potential, yet it remains of utmost importance that we persevere with what we have left.
Either way, let a person be thoughtfully specific in their contribution, and in their fight. And in the context of this specific aim, the word “can’t” should hold no power over us whatsoever. The point is to persevere in the things that we truly believe in, and not allow a small thing like “failure” to dismiss our ambition.
As Viktor Frankl once said, “when we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” Perhaps in the very changing of ourselves, we find a new angle in our quest to overcome.
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